Flow

Flow


I look outside and see
The trees dancing,
Swaying in the breeze
I step out and feel the wind touch my cheek.

I breath with ease
Glancing at the rays of light
Falling down upon my
Weak little body.


I sigh…
How can one fathom the concept of dying?
Is there a potential vision of not seeing?
A chance to be comfortable with the possibility of not being?

I cry…
All that’s selfish in me, longs to cling to life
Yet understands that Death is necessary and exists outside of my choice.


I Love.
And love living.
Will I be missed and mourned by the serenity of birds singing
Out of tune with the neighbors wind chime; before they shit on her car again?

Everything’s the same but different,
With my vision brighter… I squirm.
There’s a dim reality approaching me
Fast.


Amor Fati.
Why argue against the sun?
I try to understand how there could be meaning (other than what I create for myself).

After all, no one can justify these means
Life is a fight that we can not win,

What I say, what I see
We are never really free
From the burden of an end…

Perhaps this Is freedom?
The promise that all suffering will cease?
Confusing...

I sit on the dock of Grand Lake Saint Mary’s
Pondering how strange it is to know that the halt in consciousness is coming
Approaching fast and outside of my control.

I’m sick of complaining,
Then proclaiming that this is a beautiful life,
I have to accept that death is nearing
But I don’t have to pretend that I like this reality.

A crappy jumps
A white shimmering cascade
Of intent crashes down into the water
Momentary chaos surges from his actions
Then…

Calm-- Peace--
Nature restores itself to status quo
I wish I could heal me like that!

Nothing breeds nothing!
(And familiarity breeds contempt!)
I am not so powerful as the flowing water is
To resolve itself.


Tomorrow’s supposed to be a stormy day
Wonder if the fish will witness the birth
Of another tempest, rampaging it’s effects on Earth
With deadly accuracy?


I plunge a pebble into the lake
It’s ripples hold a mystery
With Damoclesean sharpness, I allude
That so long as I am alive-- I’ll live.

I act and will be acted upon
But will enjoy every minute of it.


My funk now fades away
Hey what can I say.
Does it do any good
To fear the unknown?

Life just is, what it is,
Might as well
Make the best of it, right?


Angst is pointless, I create a constitution
Why squander the time that I have?
Precious and few are the moments
That I now have

A reflection of me echoes off the lakes face
On the surface of reality
I am a resonating sight

I am…
Isn’t that enough?


Who cares if soon …I will no longer… Be.
We as mere mortals live this threat daily,

I’ve managed to not die for 11, 544 days of existence
And no man has escaped mortality thus far, that I know of!


Existence pre-seeds essence
And the existent holds the accountability for the cultivation of its own future…
The only determination, is termination

The preservation is the fruit of my own making
To hold off extinction;
What a responsibility to burden my shoulders!


The weight of the world can only cumber me, so far as I let it.
The struggle is only a curse so long as I believe it to be such.
If I think I can, I can.

To the bitter end, I’d sooner be Sisyphus
Then standing still with the tantalizing predicament
Of being terminally ill
Resting upon me.


I can’t understand what’s beyond conscious experience
Nor can any soothsayer who pretends that they can!
Is there harmony in this fact?

I flow through life uncertain
Of whether or not I’ll pluck
A flower--
the desert rose--

Up and thrust it back to the earth
Leaving it down cast, and in a bundle of biowaste.


Chosen to suffer
It’s a burden I’m willing to bear, I guess, if I must!
Rome slowly burned
Crossing the Rubicon, yielded to a fiddle…

But the blood red sea took heed to another.
Israel lives on through her children

Her experience
Is thus…
Immortal.

And so…
The vanished
Remains.