On Friendship

 

 

 

On Friendship:

   Why does the world assume that we mature as we get older, and not just rot?

    Deep in my heart there is a trembling question, as to how exactly 7 billion humans could be present on earth and still, I feel alone tonight. I seek a beckoning candle to guide me through the darkness of a broken heart. I searched, and I search, but I could not find, a way in the world to find a peace of mind.

   What are expectations?-and how do they influence our opinions of those people around us, that we include in our lives? A magnitude of factors determine our lives not just DNA and family upbringing. Factors like experiences and how we choose to interpret their importance, who we opt to mold ourselves after and what courses of actions we decide to take; are equally as important.. Our efforts and our locations, our environments both internal and external help construct an Identity and sense of Self.

    What is the importance of…Friends? Relationships, individuals we select from mainstream society to situate ourselves closest to, play a drastic role in our lives and the way we view ourselves. Companionship is a core need for sentient beings. But, how do we go about procuring such a bond for ourselves? How do we maintain the stability of a connection to another?

   Initially we look for common interests. Is there a particularly interesting person around you? Are you curious about who s/he is? Do you dare approach them and see if they reciprocate your fascination in existence? Once you know someone, how do you perceive their importance? How does s/he construct reality, and is it similar? Do the two of you share commonalities such as interests or beliefs? What is most core to both of you and can you share a bond based on it?

    I often ponder why I like the people I like, and end up smiling. More often then not, my friends are kind and sensitive people. Primarily the fights and arguments I have with my companions revolve around me unrealistically expecting them to do something that they can not possibly do/be. The revelation that I am thinking only of myself, in a narcissistic longing to profit me vs. my friends, shocks me. I encounter realizations of who I am, when I encounter other. I exist only in so far as I act and am seen by other. And how I act determines who I really am.
  
   My friends can only do what’s best for ensuring their own survival, and I must acknowledge others needs as equally as important as my own. My understanding of the importance of other creates a sense of self that is humane. Because I have internalized morality and the vow of “Do unto others”, I find myself to be of a very loving and sensitive nature. I embrace others. I care about others. I most expect them to do likewise, because I myself appreciate these qualities as most significant in my life. Tonight I’m alone. He walked out. He didn’t see worth in me. Openness and honesty. Love and loyalty. Great virtues. I sit alone! I feel rotten. When I drop to my knees I feel closest to heaven, why does this humble life feel so much like hell tonight?