“Still waters run deep” (Jung)
The dasein that I’ve chosen is my uncle. Michael has a degree in English and currently works as a computer programmer. He lives on the west coast with his family. (This section has been redacted for confidentiality.)
“A man of few words”(Bible Ecclesiates 5:2). Michael’s orientation of energy is inwardly directed. He focus’ on thoughts and concepts, has a depth of interest, and is very introspective. He tends to need time and space for reflection. I say “need” because for introverts like Michael (and myself) this solitary time is crucial for our “cause” (understanding life). Michael takes a long time to “warm up” to people and can be seen as very quiet or shy. He has a small group of close friends and family that he knows extremely well and to which he is very loyal. Michael has a great sense of humor and presents himself in a very caring manner once he feels comfortable with someone.
Nemo sine vitio est. Similar to Eros, Michael reveals himself as restless, dearth in constant search for completeness. He goes through times when he feels like he doesn’t fit in (this could, perhaps, originate from the thought that he’s lacking something other people have or, that he occasionally flat out seems to be from another planet). He feels hurt or attacked when someone misunderstands him and he can become antiauthoritarian (rebellious) when criticized. Expecting too much from himself and life, Michael has a tendency to accept blame for problems and hold everything on his own shoulders. He’s hard on himself and this periodically causes feelings of self-hatred, shame and an unfortunate belief that he doesn’t deserve to be loved. It is lucky for Michael (and me) that, as Victor Hugo once said: “The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved-- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” when all is said and done, I believe that our little insecurities are an important part of what makes us fascinating people.
Continuing with the neuroticism dimension of personality, I would like to mention that Michael has a fear of being abandoned. He also experiences dark moods of emptiness and despair. His wide variety of emotion, his “punishment”, which forces him to suffer a perpetual cycle of ups and downs (much like rolling a boulder up a hill only to see it come crashing back down) may actually play a positive role in his life. “Among the functions of the soul are lowly areas, he who does not see that side of her, does not fully know her.”(Michael Montaigne)
In a cabin tucked away in the forest of his mind, a silence so deafening and disturbing reminds Michael of nostalgia’s existence. As darkness approaches his shelter wearing a familiar shroud, Michael finds himself praying to his silent vigil just to find the strength to live. Eye to eye with utter despair, Michael cries, for there is nothing so frightening as facing this unknown darkness. Although afraid, Michael is reminded of the fact that there is no change, which does not begin within this dismal place. With courage and patience Michael finds that the vast dark inner space gives birth to light. Trudging upward out of hell’s black depths and at last emerging to see the shining world, Michael’s definitive awakening (new sight/ insight) perhaps may be indemnity enough for having endured his depression(s). out of sheer strength, Michael survives the inexplicable agony of his metamorphosis (unlike Gregor Samsa).
Hopefully, in the near future, Michael will learn to accept his moods as a part of him… for it seems an essential fluctuation that he endures. I call depression essential here, because I view it in the same manner Jung did… “An empty stillness which precedes creative work”. The latter transition of thought is important because it is a means of transforming a seemingly negative trait into a more positive one. If the thinking change occurs, this in turn will help Michael to become calmer, more secure and more self-satisfied than he currently is. My ultimate point is, in other words, that Michael needs to accept himself in order to adopt a healthier, less neurotic, way of Being.
The juxtaposition of spontaneity and form are, of course, present throughout all of human history. When speaking of Michael, I must address that he has chosen to engage in one of the most solitary and conjunctive human endeavors: the struggle to live a creative life. Michael is constantly seeking out new possibilities and never seems to lose his sense of wonder. He has many interests and talents. Michael can be extremely patient with complicated issues, but he may also become impatient with routine details. Work has to be fun, or he tends to lose interest.
Aut viam inveniam. At times, Michael can be awkward and uncomfortable at expressing himself verbally, however, he does have a wonderful ability to define and express what he’s feeling on paper. Michael is a master of metaphors and similes, puns and word games; he likes abstract ideas. His thinking pattern (which at times seems to be much like poetry of thought) leads Michael to consider shades of meaning and contrary assertions as worthy challenges. He values the open ended and enjoys exploring the “reality of the unseen”(William James). This Dasein gets a sense of satisfaction from the fact that nothing is constant because, this means that he can influence a cause in a positive or constructive way. For him, imagination gives vitality to form.
“Courage is not the absence of despair; it is, rather, the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair (Rollo May, 12) . Michael is one of those exceptional cases that was/is able to creatively transform his traumatic experiences. For him, writing is a natural extension of his intense capacity for feeling. Through his work, Michael finds a positive outlet for his morbidity, anguish, and calamitous past. Writing voluminously, this Dasein contemplates the deep ravine of his depressions and his periodic sense of entrapment as well. Michael’s dark moods are exemplified in his creative works. It is evident that he uses his art as a cathartic release. I do believe that, in addition to the latter, Michael also uses his vivid imagination and sensitivity to conjure up a state of heightened consciousness (or peek/ optimal experience). Dare to create… there is so much truth/ meaning in this statement as it pertains to my Uncle, the soul-searcher and fisher of men. “But if you do not express your own original ideas, if you do not listen to your own being, you will have betrayed yourself”(May, 12). In my opinion, Michael is more honest and open with himself then most people will ever be, and he naturally admits that he still has a lot of room for growth.
“Perhaps it is human nature to spare no torment when the victim accepts any suffering out of genuine humility, weakness or indifference. Do not we all like proving our strength at the expense of someone or something?”(Balzac, 15) Michael entertains a pensive world and is more apt to adhere to a consilo non impetu way of living. He places a high value on harmony and has an extreme dislike for conflict (he avoids conflict unless confrontation becomes necessary). On average, Michael strives to achieve a win-win situation. My uncle values and almost insists on others living in harmony, has difficulty scolding or punishing people, and tries to please others (sic ad nauseum!). That having been said, I’ll reiterate that Michael does not like any attempts to impose “shoulds” and “have-tos”. He finds absolute systems of rules arbitrary and simply unfair. He has a tendency to rail against words that imply that a value system can be imposed from the outside (typical non-conformist). The second instance when Michael will become angry or willing to confront another is when either one of his “projects” or his moral beliefs (he has a strong sense of values) are violated or threatened. “Fortiter in re, suaviter in modo”(Claudio Aquaviva). For the most part, Michael has a textbook type B personality.
“Our own peculiar condition is that we are as fit to be laughed at as able to laugh”(Montaigne). Michael has a unique ability to see the good in almost anyone or anything. Aware of his own inner feelings and impulses, Michael is sensitive to the needs of others, compassionate, gentle, tactful. Self-revealing (at appropriate times, although he could use some work in this area), emotionally honest and humane. A source of sustenance for Michael, are those small, genuine gestures from the heart (be they from loved ones or strangers). He is empathetic and sympathetic to others needs, and admires what is noble, truthful and beautiful in life. Michael understands that: “It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor hum for who he is”(Herman Hesse). Softhearted and trusting, he sees people as each being perfect in their own ways. Michael is helpful (feels guilty when he disappoints people- so back to the hard on himself deal) and tends to tolerate others special dependencies and harmless idiosyncrasies. “Dum spiro spero.” Michael is usually agreeable and when you’re around him, you get the feeling that his love does not judge.
“Non qui parum habet, sed qui plus cupit, pauper est”(Seneca,II,6). “Ne quid mimis”(Delphic oracle). Michael is self-disciplined and strong willed. He radiates a sense of control (over himself). Legere et non intelligeren eglegere est. Michael makes a conscious effort to be careful and dependable (unless he’s forced to do repetitive mundane tasks). For this Dasein, things are never quite finished and, his perfectionist tendencies may be one of the causes for him to not giving himself enough credit. Michael is well organized and genuinely conscientious in his endeavors.
Since childhood I have had a love of building bridges. I am naturally interested in bridging gaps. In particular, I feel drawn to examining ways in which chasms disparate findings and theoretical constructs may parallel, complement and ultimately fertilize one another. For me, this assignment was particularly fascinating. The opportunity to “quiet” myself and leave myself open to the inside world of another; and, to compare how his life was similar to my own, was incredible. My initial enthusiasm was met with some hesitation due to my predisposed tendency to bristle at the idea of placing a unique human being into a “box”. This trepidation, however, was lifted when I finally realized that I could tell about Michael’s personality and still preserve the Gestalt (the whole is equal to more than the mechanical sum of the parts) of my authentic, evermore forming Uncle.
In addition to my being thoroughly entertained (by my interview with this Dasein), I believe that he also benefited from our encounter. Michael seemed amazed when I casually mentioned something “personal” about “him” that he had never told a soul. It wasn’t a little into our conversation that I finally confessed that I knew so much about “him” mainly because his life (to quite an extent) mirrored my own. I seemed to understand him from the inside-- how he struggled and why he felt the way that he did. From my own personal experiences, I know how hard it is to try to learn to accept and value myself. In addition, I am most indubitably aware of how deep the desire is to find an understanding and completeness in life (then again, who isn’t?). Michael and I share a common battle; we each strive for peace (both internal and external). “Datta. Dayadhvam. Damata. Shantih Shantih Shantih.” “The peace which passes understanding.”
The Dasein walks out of the restaurant and onto the street. The sun has long since set, this doesn’t worry him though; because after all, night is the mother of council. He moves “en lacrimarum valle” slowly approaching his destination. Just as the mighty Aeneas, the Dasein too is a being that knows defeat and disposition, love and love lost. He knows about war and hatred, the ugliness and waste of it, but still he fights when he has to, with hatred and passion. He is dutiful-- oh, what a hard and weary duty he must endure-- he bears his fate with courage.
He glances at a small chestnut tree and briefly reflects. The flora reminds him of the impasse he had recently crawled through in the hour prior. He grins and continues on his way.
The Dasein notices the bus parked at the stop ahead of him. With his eyes fixated on the vehicle, he quickens his pace. He endeavors to catch that bus; his stride widens until his last few steps (onto the intended transportation) are nothing less than a full bound. He smiles, a sense of accomplishment fills him as he pays his dues. He floats to the back of the bus joyously and takes a seat.
To his right are two gentlemen who are engaged in a heated conversation. Upon further investigation, the Dasein finds that they are bickering about politics. One man calls himself a Democrat, the other a Republican. Although the two views seem to originate from the same stem, the men still argue over their perceived differences. To his left sit’s a couple. The woman starts to cry and the man snaps yet another bitter comment her way. The Dasein empathizes with her pain, but still he remains silent. “How can anyone be so cruel?”, he asks himself. He listens to the tumult and shakes his head in dismay at what he’s hearing. “Slaves struggling in their prisons of stone; misplaced concreteness destroys indefinitely.” he sees through their guises and questions whether or not he was ever so shallow as they? He senses the in authenticity of his fellow riders. He is overwhelmed by an intense desire to scowl.
Suddenly his train of thought shifts. He giggles and reveals to himself that he has become a prime example of maze way re-synthesis. Who is he to judge their genuineness or lack thereof? He ponders whether they recognize as much of him, as he does of them. “Probably not”, the intuitive feeler says to himself. Although he hides little to nothing, he realizes that he has depth, and depth can never be fully transparent. He finally resolves that he has few things in common with these people around him. This idea fills him with a zealous enjoyment as he hops off the bus and heads home to his understanding wife and beautiful kids. His enigmatic eyes sparkle as he revels at the opacity of the here and now. Just as Atlas, he too is burdened by the weight of the world, and similar to Sisyphus he must also endure the absurd. Contrary (perhaps even in spite) to these setbacks the Dasein smiles. “For he who has a why to live, can endure almost any how” (Nietzsche).
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