A magnifying glass

 

A magnifying glass

 

Barking wolves are hounding at my door--

The buck stops here in the corner of my room.

I know what that means: the cost of livings too high

(and they’re hungry for prey, the predator smells a victim

That it perceives as having more than it--it wants and it will take

If you don’t willingly/freely give the predator its immediate desires now!)

I could use some change.

I cast myself out the window, at the street

Driving my gaze to the moving cars: the busy people--

I wish I was with them and not caught up in losing battle,

Fighting the “safety” of Being locked up in here.

But if I we’re locked behind a gate--

then perhaps I could be fearless of my fate.

 

I could use a key, laying deep within me--

To open up the portals of my soul,

And let another in…

A beacon of prosperity…

Calling out into the night…

Do the wolves notice?

Do they hear?

Do they even care

That I exist as more than a free meal

But as an authentic human being--

That loves…

Them.

   

    A self-emanating, self-edifying state of lawlessness persevered in my time and my space today. I am and am in the active responsible practice of Being. I am re-iterated by others presence and ultimately my ability to chose is defined by this others existence. With interaction I find Love. Other reinforces my life and my purposeful decisions are validated. I care because it’s the way that I choose to be--my compassion curves the monotonous boredom of life.

    You ask what’s my point? My message is spoken as such: “Hey idiot, did you notice me? I’m small and rather insignificant in your world--but I have a soft voice, did you hear me whispering out a call to you in the dark?” It is known that you can easily identify a Germanic-American INFP Healer because they are soundly grounded in reality with both feet firmly planted on the ground. You can tell a German, but you can’t tell ‘em much!!!

 

    You abate yourself when you show face in your relationships that isn’t real. A masked image protruding with no practical application in your actual life is debasing and ultimately demoralizes a once perceived authentic human being. Try depicting a more accurate example of who you are inside and what you feel and see if this helps in the long run…”honesty’s the best policy” after all!

 

    The train of thought is chugging down my head like a juggernaut--an unstoppable object is burning as a fuel propels me further…A headache thrusts at the core of my being. A pain at the lead throttle of Me overwhelms me. I annoy myself…I ride to the bitter end on the track destined for my own self created hell--an embodiment abolished from man and thus from itself-- I am ostracized in fear, a social outcast phobic of going the distance when I have no choice in the matter. I was put on the moving train at birth, with no pauses in-between, you can’t exit the train… it’s a one-way ticket, a non-stop pass to a final destination. What is it that soldiers go to war?…

 

    Boots on the ground… I sing a song that “we’re so happy, we’re so happy, we’re so happy together…” but no one else believes me, no one agrees. It may be so for all I know but it seems all mighty queer.

　

 The cup is ½ full

   A transcendental execution pre-tails. My saga of failure is a work in progress. My epic proportion of looser-dumb is snap. It’s totally whacked when someone has to be relentlessly subjected to the tyranny of another’s inconsiderate will-to-power. I’m sorry hustler, for this, my tyrant words that surmount to my ruthless pursuit of a happy understanding--and a hell of a lot of waste of your time. I’m like quicksand, I call out, but I’m falling…down…to my death.

 

   A desperate bellow from the deepest reaches of my being--there’s no one to hang on to, I’m self-destructing. They said that I wouldn’t make it, and they were right… right on… why cherish my life, when I can come and go? Here today gone tomorrow; why get attached? I’m in the ghetto of my own accord. The projects ring shots into the night. I’m firing my interior decorator, he did me wrong; when he made my insides not functional: just pretty, only useful in appearance. My existence is just for looks… so…

 

   I had hoped to recover fully and this does not seem to be within my reach. I can not grasp a form of certainty in my life and thus… I am lost.
 

   Unique and original… Inspiring, inspiration of a madwoman marching to the beat of her own drummer and still keeping the Faith… is thus wise depicted in this wild-eyed story of laying in bed… ”In My Room”.

 A lot on my plate:

Gnawing at the very core of my being are these fanatic idioms:
Saucy
Seriously?… as a heart attack!!!
Yeah right!
Smoking!
Fly me to the moon
Chill
Far out
Way!!!
Cool
Whoa
Nasty!!!
Gnarly
Bravo, moron
Condescending
Da champ
Da Bomb
Phat
Chic
Dynamite
Dynamics


      A crass and malignant world surrounds me with it’s misrepresentations and miss uses of words and concepts. People use words to fit their own personal agendas rather than their agreed upon meanings, why? They severely bastardize language big time, to fit an immediate need, how about using just the “right word”, rather than any word, guys?

   Sometimes actions speak louder than words. A monkey see monkey do personality often is only an imitation of real life! A person of few words can say a lot, speaking volumes of significance in their every action. When language doesn’t suffice, in trying times, one can always reort to communicating other ways!

    Miss Communication, I am the woman of letters. Voicing my opinion in every possible way I want others to recognize me, my personal experiences and perspectives and the significance of my unique point of view. I disclose a strange combo and balance of the spectrum of life that warrants just a brief glance from others in the
world; nothing more!

   I’d rather be: Pleasant than lucky; mindful than smart; accepted rather than tolerated; thoughtful rather than willful. I’d rather be considered: Submissive rather than dominant; active rather than passive (or even reactive for that matter, I like the control and responsibility for my actions whenever possible!).

   And, I’d much sooner be poverty stricken, in subsidized housing and in the midst of an economic depression; rather than being “more fortunate”. For the rich in pocket are often poor in spirit; money isn’t everything! A good heart and realizing one’s loving nature Is, for me anyhow!!! Wuzz up, Doc?

    I have been to far off places. From wondrous lands from sea to shining sea, to see wondrous fantasies! Never have I traveled so far: not by plane or train, bus or car; as the distance that my thoughts have journeyed, in the realms of my mind. It’ been my true blessing to have lived every moment of my life: fully and completely each moment was mine, and I owned it whole-heartedly!!!

   Have I showed you my, miniscule and insignificant as it may be, little perspective? And why the hell doesn’t that picture on the wall of the two people climbing stairs move? Serious, I mean they keep looking like their escalating but their going nowhere, they just don’t further their continuing on’s… Why is that? Can’t they relocate themselves? Grow… or what? Nothing happens… and that’s significant… to me any way!!!

    Has this been an honorable venture in life? I have been open and honest and dedicated myself to attempting to faithfully maintain my promises--do I deserve closure? Have I reached this honored position in life, yet? 

    Time is of the essence, and I have not only run short (oh how often we fall short of our goals), but, rather I am indeed out of my allotted amount of set time for this project/ toilsome Herculian forted task! I now go, “I to die and you to live, which is the better of two” (Socrates/Plato). I know Not… Knots…. Nuts too. Mixed ones. With a wide variety of problems and issues similar to mine/ my own that I own! My shining star is still upon its highest bow…

”Go on, get out--last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.“--Marx