Cascading Sorrows: A Wall

Chapter 2: A Wall: barrier to partition me off; protection blocking others from harming me in my sleep

Although she stood on American ground, she never really left her beloved Deutschland soil. She had never stepped foot in her forefathers homeland yet she had never really been part of the place of her birth. Not only was her heritage in the old world but also was her heart. She, the perfect student who lived an ideal and culture which she had never partaken in, and yet believed in wholeheartedly. I never lived in Deutschland yet the people live in me-- they’re a part of me that cannot be reached--sometimes I feel condemned and homeless in a foreign place yet at home--Auslander.

Jane (mom)

Every German has a dominant and submissive nature. We, as a people are a contradiction. In one respect lies what I’ll call “will to power” and in the next a more passive, but far from less efficient “will to Other”. Germans feel a great responsibility to the greater good to their Volk as a whole which often makes them a strong peoples. The coupling of the individual and the group mentality is key to a productive land.

Time Warp
Me next to a young mom

Americans have a “monkey see. monkey want. monkey get. or monkey have a shit-fit attitude”. There are few “Native” Americans these days and the vast majority of peoples are immigrants that entered the new world for strictly selfish, self-serving reasons. So, why should the individual not be 100% bias? Because each and every American thinks himself to be superior, therefore each and every American is superior to every other one, correct? What humble people we are!

Joyce (Jude) LuLu
Born: Feb 8, 1926
Died: April 15, 2012
Oma/ Grandma

To think something is to make it come into being, and as to whether or not this reality exists anywhere outside of the thinkers mind or is conducive with anything outside of one persons perspective is insignificant! Territorial, master-slave domination seems to be predominant. Who cares if someone was here before us…living peacefully… damn it! The American has the “will to win”, overcoming overwhelming odds, walking on and destroying anyone in his/her path. “Keep your eyes on the prize” the goal is all that matters no matter who you crush on the way. “Success” is far too often a preconceived predominantly preoccupation with financial, occupational status and sexual power. The individuals “happiness”, rarely achieved for more than a fleeting moment and followed by great torment for something greater then what one has, is far more important than the communal good. Nationally famous for philanthropy as long as there’s notoriety or some thing “in it for me”, Americans often proclaim what good is doing something just for the sake of doing it? No credit? Why act? Lazy and predictable… who cares if someone gets hurt? What matters is me and what I get! Let’s have a peeing contest shall we? Cowboys and Indians right? Wonderful start for a proud “young” nation.

Srgt. Mike Walsh
Desert Storm Vet Military Intelligence Big Red 1
Computer Programmer

Immigrants…you came here for freedom and yet you impose your will on those around you? Hypocrites … did you actually run away from your homeland to be rid of persecution just to become the persecutor of another? Money-hungry our forefathers came to here to be at peace and yet we intimidate over a little financial benefit? Strange!

Mike

Germans are like a living machine all parts working in unison to sustain a prosperous nation. Each person is a responsible cog which aspires for greatness for both the betterment of the whole and for the self--satisfaction comes from knowing that one has successfully fulfilled ones role or part. Unfortunately Germans tend to follow and accept a superiority complex on a national level.

Mike and Jude (his mom)

Achievement and competition are a part of the human condition. We are tormented by our own desires and projections. Fears and doubts haunt us as we often fall short of that which we are taught to believe as our “purpose” in life. Purpose and meaning seem to be linguistically and culturally taught and bound to some extent.

Mike (Uncle) and his two sons Conner and Logan
(Cousins)

Living in excess. Excessive permissiveness, a negation of a conscience that says submit out of the genuity of the human suffering experience (we are but mere mortals are we not? Not one “better” than another), has become norm. Unfortunately the strongest are not necessarily the most dominant. “Survival of the fittest” hah Darwin…unless the term “fittest” lies in reference to cowards who attack and force submission on the strong at risk of destroying all that man is and has ever been, then maybe! The child’s voice sings, resonating a future that is in the process of being destroyed as we allow predators to prey on creation itself?

Grandma Joyce and Mike

Who would allow the makers and keepers, the insurers of a continuation of our species, to be attacked without consequences? America is preoccupied by a battle of the “wills” and without a stability of culture I fear that this nation contains the seeds of it’s own destruction. A disease of lack-of-concern coupled with the poison of whatever-it-takes makes implosion a likely possibility. We are eating ourselves from the inside out-with greed an infliction cloaked in the habiliments of freedom.

Is greatness born?-taught?-conditioned? -formed by the sacrifices of others? What is the formula to live a happy life? Domination--what and who are dominated varies amongst all peoples. Why do we opt to pick enemies? Isn’t the world big enough that if we can’t agree with someone individually can’t we just walk away? Domination is always an act of an ego but without a certain degree of it we are not human and cannot exist.

Every single cell, every atom bumps into another agitating and creating a reaction. Scientifically that’s what we are a series of incredible reactions. Action leads to reaction; agitation to response on a literal level that is God’s miracle of creation. We bother one another! (So when someone says leave me alone respond: nope sorry not in my nature :0). Everything is changed by every interaction. Must one dominate and one submit? Bio-chemically if receding is no longer possible then either the destruction of one or the unification and permanent transformation of both (thus wise a termination of both creating a new construct) becomes the resolution. We’re always growing and changing--go with it! No people are more chosen then another. No one is better then he who is humble and prostates himself in servitude. True strength is shown in times of peace but sometimes peace requires a short abrupt action to enact it. Greater good, right? I believe a man of action will send the walls of desolation to come crashing down. I have to believe this. I have to think that we, as equals, will see one another for who we each are--unified yet individual--basically embodying all that we are as human beings. You live beside me interacting, and I beside you, together--we--are life.

People don’t crumble in a day. Rome slowly burned yet the rudiments of her roads still stand thousands of years later. Time is a devious bastard that takes away most things and often leaves us on uncertain grounds. A price must be paid but if we adapt perhaps our sacrifices will someday amount to more. If we have a hunger we too can overcome and rise from the ashes--from the grave--first on humble knees then to our greatest victory of standing side by side with Him.

Srgt. Robert (Robbie) Gross
Mom's Brother
Vietnam Vet etc

If we hear the voices of the cries of the longing hearts--worthy is the lamb--perhaps we shall receive a name… Israelites… the chosen people in a chosen land…no building of brick or stone shall know His true nature for this bridegroom accepts all of his suitors equally so long as they are faithful and live as a proclamation of honest expressions of Love and Loyalty. Hate has no place in His temple. In the hands of the mighty we must believe that we will face freedom from the persecutions that we must endure. As the restless and the weary--for He will deliver us--amazed, we will find a peace which passes understanding.

Uncle Robert

So, I’m a spiritual German-American. This is the light I see my world through, and these are the dark lenses I choose to wear… They could not see me in front of them, my disguise, a guise--giest--Zeitgeist…self-centered and untrusting of the ever-changing pupil. Sight is not within my prosecutors reach right now. Prostate--my persecutors cannot grasp nor come close to fathoming the depths to which I’ve been. Until they’ve learned to accept their preconceived notions (which themselves come from somewhere- not always somewhere particularly reliable) those “a priori existentialisms” what we think one to be is not always such.

A weed but could be a stem from which a beautiful flower may root from and grow. From dirt rises life--like a friendship ever blooming with the blessings of God. Sitting in this chair alone…entombed… they’ve killed me in the end; but it’s been a journey worth dying for! We’re all dying from the day we’re born…our first breath and our last the same, a process that amounts to but a speck in time. Our lives but a spot, a freckle on the face of eternity, yielding only to the fire of the Sun/Son. Lovingly--approaching--the passion of his loyalty stands second only to that of his responsibility. Amor fati--love of ones fate- did he chose his destiny or was it ever-burning in his heart long before his life force was lit? essence? where do we derive warmth?