"Propinquity"

 

 

“Propinquity"

   No longer detached, I am now fully embodying myself. Once I was a ghost haunting the memory of me… I lurked in the shadows of a presence of what I was in the past, tormenting my present and ending a projected possibility for a future. I have striven in the darkness of obscurity to abstain from life. I sought excesses. I chased after surplus seeking happiness. I found nothing but an endless night.

   I flurried--tossing to and fro--in the waves of an ocean of indecision, a vast sea of indecisive and unresolved issues almost drowned me. Because I could aspire that peace was still around the corner, I let go of myself and embraced you--a truth.

    I once again was a primate--I sought your companionship for efficiency of survival, I engaged because it curved the boredom buried deep inside of me. I cared because I found the greatest degree of pleasure in me, when I was in contact with you. I found me when I found you. You are my love, my life. On this boat, a ship adrift at sea, that we call life, I am not scared when I’m with you.

 

 

    Together--resonating… I find harmony. A cacophony of us protrudes, serenading a “peace which passes understanding”. “Moon river” plays in the background, while I sit here on the lake, embraced in your arms. I hear. I am. I am an active participant in the engagement of being with you. You are my world--the reason for my heart to beat-- “Raison de entre” so to speak.

    I drift off to see the world, holding your hand. Our goals similar, the same even, perhaps. You and I a couplet, coupling a piecemeal existence together. Bridging the gaps of reality-- our reality--by sharing our perspectives we are together. Your voice is a vessel instrumental in roping more so dragging me back to the shore of Being.



 

 

    I witness the setting sun in the bed of the sky as it reflects the blue in your eyes--and soul. I long to lesson your suffering. I am here but you are the healer this time! I fear a fate far worse then death, losing you. Condoning you, my dear, would be unbearable to me.

    Please stay in the comfort of my secure home. Not long… for I don’t want to detain you--not really. Just please remain with me for enough time for me to say: I love you in every way, sweet heart!

   I seek nothing but your mutual companionship. I desire nothing… if not you. I feel a compassion burning in my heart. A flame heating my Being-- your warmth heats the cockles of my soul. You are-- and this is enough for me.

 

 

   So I lay my head resignedly away to sleep on your chest. Content I aspire for a future… I have hope and faith in your ability to hold me… While I reciprocate your affections, will you finally let me hold you? I know that you like to hold me but…With love ending so abruptly, I wonder what happens in the world of your thoughts? Do you feel the same about me? A silent revelry now revealed… I am as they say complete…are you?

    Calling out into the darkness--do we have a voice? Choices viewed by the outsiders, via our behaviors, are judged and harshly. We are screaming on the outside but can’t be heard. We’re in the deep of the twilight, endlessly fighting to be remembered, to remember. Our lives passing by in a weary state of weeping. Memories seeping through the words that we can not speak--will anyone accept a pattern of perspectives--of interpretations on activities?

   Can we scribe on those empty pages of history--a word? A letter, our letter, indicates that we’re present and have a name: I call myself… and who agrees? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is listening… if a person speaks and no one is there to hear, do they still make a sound? An impact? I am…a writ of habeus corpus, a mortal being which has moved through this earth with its own motives. I am conscious and conscientious of how my life works--am I an experience worth being noticed? Do you take note, writer/poet?

 

   Can I voice an opinion? Does an sound emerge from the lips of my mouth? --those soft lips which you have kissed so tenderly, so passionately time and time again. Have I been heard? I feel barely audible--a passing wind frolics lisping through my teeth and tongue. Through the vast barren desert of a once fertile mind, I escape into the rank miasma of a new environment. World does it matter that I care? Rogers, does it matter to you? Does anyone care that I am still alive?

   Sinking resignedly, I love you just the same! The forgotten heart of the child of darkness weeps. Solemnly I pledge an unyielding commitment to someone who doesn’t feel the same? As the leaves fall off the trees my soul falls victim to a gentle breeze. In the desolate winter of myself, I am confined to the coldness of your absence. Looking abandoned without your smile…

    The portals--a door which will not let me out to escape, the embodiment of me. I am fettered by the obscurity of an angels voice in the night divine that abandoned me and hope simultaneously in the morning. We are the slave of circumstances, and time she steals away all things--even our hearts.

    Entrapped by an inability to communicate who will not use the aptitude of turning their listeners on… unskilled at hearing… neither passive nor active can those around us participate in our lives! How may I engage or digest the experiences of others, learning of them when they shut me out? How can I live in harmony, when I’m ostracized in the despondency of a forced alienation? Losing myself slowly--I embrace your gentle tough-- a warm caress as tender as the Love that takes you and others in.

 

    The comfort I receive from you rehabilitates me. In this sense you are life-sustaining… I am my all again because I have loved you whole heartedly and without reserve. You are a Form which embodies a platform for my thoughts. You are, and thus I am.  

   Thus spoke Zarathustra, but does anyone notice him?--weird…I give you one final distant kiss good night… let it snow, I don’t care about the cold anymore! My warmth can keep me alive!

    If life is a journey not a guided tour; then, I am on the road to recovery, heading one way on a joy ride to healing myself from the infliction of life!!! Ha, I’m funny!!!