Social Skills Coach,
Thank you so much for working with me today. I very much enjoyed the unorthodox introduction of social skills training. I'm very excited about the prospect of learning to better regulate my social behavior and work on gaining a basic proficiency in understanding social norms. I am glad that it is you working with me, because I feel that you are quite patient with my odd learning styles and social anxiety.
These are the 12 basic things I took away from today's introduction:
(1) I have to be realistic in my expectations of potential friends.
(2) Relationships can be complicated, confusing and frustrating to navigate, even for a socially intelligent individual
(3) Sometimes excusing oneself politely and leaving a situation when I feel the impulse to be rude is: OK.
(4) I can be assertive without being dominant. And can talk with a person not at them. I can also learn to detect cues, with work in therapy, to recognize when an individual is disinterested in the topic or wants to leave.
(5) I don’t have to tolerate rude or abusive behavior. My Instructor says I am a good person.
(6) I have empathy. Some therapists may not, and may say hateful inaccurate things to their clients. The best course of action when encountering negative people is to move on and not take their cruelty to heart. It is a good practice to actively seek out and check with a more viable and trusted source as to the appropriateness of an accusation made by a professional. Some discretion may be advised , and checking with a trusted friend is sometimes necessary.
(7) Miscommunication happens.
(8) I need to be patient with others and try to understand the importance of their point of view, interests, and experiences.
(9) I must tolerate "small talk" and social façades; especially if I expect others to be tolerant of my idiosyncrasies.
(10) Some people can be very closed minded and think of the world as black and white. Individuals that believe autism is something that needs to be "cured", may not be capable of viewing a reality outside of themselves. I can be different but equal and embrace my subtle differences while still engaging and appreciating others. Autism doesn't make me less. Some individuals with "theory of mind" are really projecting themselves onto others (yuck! I feel so invaded on by being projected on... kidding) and may have poor boundaries and closed minds. Understanding that when I am looking at a pair of eyes a pair of eyes are looking back at me (theoretically speaking). And as Nietzsche once said: "when you stare into an abyss, the abyss stares back at you".
(11) Social skills training is a means by which I can learn more adaptive measures to compensate for areas that I am weak in.
(12) Social skills therapy is a means by which I can increase my self esteem, confidence and skills to productively engage/ communicate with others. Likewise social skills therapy will hopefully reduce my fears of social inadequacy, generalized anxiety, and negative thought patterns involving fear of others hurting or rejecting me. Ideally I can learn to moderate my behavior in a more socially acceptable manner to have more fulfilling relationships and therefore a better life in general.
Questions I have:
(1) When do we meet again? I'm excited about this prospect.
(2) Could we have more structured goals and a set of "rules" for conduct so I don’t stray from the path of improvement?
(3) What's so interesting about eye balls?
(4) Why do people find lying necessary? Lying destroys trust. It breaks down communication. Communication is the primary bond by which we humans survive. Isn't lying like the worst because it damages the bond between man and man, causes a breakdown of trust, and there for ultimately leads to the demise of our own species? I don’t understand lies. I think accurate communication is difficult enough without throwing a curve ball/ monkey wrench in the whole ordeal. I like literal.
Thanks again for your help. I appreciate you. Peace out!
Sherry
Friend,
Unfortunately that seems to be a common theme in human history. It seems far too often that our species rewards antisocial and destructive behavior. We humans beget openly, but sometimes distrait we are tender.
Of all the primates, I think ours is the most savage. Humans are the solitary mortals truly capable of volition consciousness. Our frontal lobes/ cortex enables us to effectively engage in goal oriented behavior, to more efficiently predict scenarios and plausible outcomes, to learn from other humans that existed thousands of generations before. We are a species that has evolved by sacrifice, and by placing the future of all humans above our own individual selfishness.
And yet, here stands yet another fatuous example of humans missing the mark.
Turning on those who sacrificed resources for him, Wagner idealizes a faction that seeks to destroy anything perceived as "different". Fascists often get stuck in black and white thinking and miss the full amazing and colorful spectrum of human potential. Embracing each subtle difference, each individuals possible role in a harmonious relationship; The cog in the wheel was not broke, only the exclusion of very important parts seems wrong.
Embracing differences. Embracing sacrifices. Seeing the uttermost importance in the privileges of encountering and experiencing life. I once heard a quote that said:" the times of peace are the empty pages of history". Perhaps the times of peace are when we actually are living? When we are so engulfed in the immediacy of the moment, so involved in life, in action, in love.... that we find no need to scribe warnings to our future children.
Wagner bit the hand that fed him. He turned and made a mockery of those that loved him best. Just as Freud turned on his teachers. Angry Nietzsche turned on humanity whom he'd felt wronged him and forced him to war and incur an incurable illness. Goethe turned on every woman that loved him. The lists of human betrayal are seemingly endless.
At best, I guess, we can strive to rise above selfishness, malice, destructive or impulsive behavior. We can aspire to be loving and tolerant of one another. We can aim for moral behavior. But how far does this lead, dear Friend?
In a nation that is intolerant of anyone that is perceived as abnormal, how does one rise above?
How do us mere mortals strive for a better relationship with Other, with the world, with god?
With ever growing numbers of sociopaths; and neurotypicals constantly embracing deceit and assimilating different with bad.. . How do we rise above the hate to find common ground?
How does a simple girl appreciate the life and help she has been given? So I don’t fall into the immoral trap of a ignorant creep like Wagner?
Like a ship adrift at sea, with no known destination.... how do we transcend beyond our own brute nature?
Hummm.... the ubiquitous stuff of life surrounds me, I ponder.... I, the Grand Inquisitor.... ask questions of a world, of a creator I can only see the effects of his existence and wonder. I hear only a still voice.... in silence waiting.... a woman in waiting... in the matrix of.... a Word.
Sherry
Friend,
Lol.
I think the moral threads of the people here have come unwound. The locals have been riding a hedonistic treadmill for so long they appear to be degenerating.
Ohio promotes superficial values and they set their own children up for disaster by promoting unrealistic goals. Putting pleasure seeking and pursuit of happiness above the satisfaction of hard work and education is grounds for a disaster.
I believe that we attain peace of mind, when we see the fruits of a job well done. To truly achieve anything in life, we should have to extend effort. We don’t really respect things that we don’t work hard to attain. After all, do we?
I love that you've chosen education and the betterment of our youth as your goal. Trying to ensure a positive future for young minds and encouraging them to be intelligent, responsible, and moral individuals is awesome. I love that you have dreams and are willing to work towards them.
True enlightenment doesn't seem to come from the lack of suffering, rather it seems to be the bi-product of bearing our burdens with courage and patience. Helping others, sharing, caring. Extending efforts and empathizing with others; this seems to be what life is most about. Love seems to be the reward for our hard work and diligence/ endurance. Love, togetherness, the friendships we embrace.
I so appreciate you being my friend. I value you and your positive drive to educate young minds. I wish more people promoted education and positive paths for a future.
People in Ohio are letting themselves be degraded by false goals of money and power. When the lotto dreams fail, they collapse with no back up plan. Bring realistic in our expectations is such an integral part of human existence. Being authentic and true. Giving thanks to something greater than ourselves is a significant element to being a mature person.
Adapting and not expecting the outside world to mold to our image of acceptable is uber important. Being reasonable and rational that we have to make adjustments, like when fishtailing on a slippery road, is key to success. Peace chickie. Drive safely on this road of life. The path may have a few slippery spots and corkscrew turns, but I have faith that you'll have the strength to endure.
Sherbear
Friend,
Sorry it took me so long to respond. I've been not feeling well, and it's been a long night.
Umm....I must openly admit that I am not familiar with astrology. I struggle with concepts such as fortune telling and predetermination. I also have difficulties with superstitions and outdated efforts humans make to force control over their environment. Because of the latter, I have yet to find a good mentor to assist me in better understanding the purpose underlying astrology. I think that there is most indubitably a solid base present, but could really appreciate a passionate teacher to describe the deeper elements. Would you be willing to share your insights with this hyper logical and pragmatic individual? I am stubborn and literal minded, but I am also open to new ideas that may complement life and understanding others more effectively.
Since childhood, I have had a love of building bridges. I am naturally interested in bridging gaps. In particular, I feel drawn to examining ways in which chasms disparate findings and theoretical constructs may parallel, complement and ultimately fertilize one another.
Religion and I have a love-hate relationship. Although I extremely dislike conflict and aspire to a harmonious and balanced life… I simultaneously do not like any attempts from others, to impose “shoulds” and “have-to’s”. I find absolute systems of rules arbitrary and simply unfair. I have a tendency to rail against words that imply that a value system can be imposed from the outside. I have a predisposed tendency to bristle at the idea of placing a unique human being into a “box”. I believe that sentient beings need to preserve a sense of Gestalt (the whole is equal to more than the mechanical sum of the parts), because we are authentic and evermore forming throughout our life.
Although I think that our Self derives from Other, I believe that true morality has to be internalized to be of any worth. Human choice is a slippery slope and our values have to be rooted from within. Volition is a strange beast; it simultaneously frees us from the impulsive world of reactivity, while burdening us with the weightiness of responsibility. I think that there are many paths to human enlightenment and it is up to us, as individuals, to locate the one most appropriate for our needs. I honestly feel that each individual is the author of her own destiny and should be judged based on the choices she makes.
Understanding, or attempting to understand the world, seems to always have been a favorite past time of the reflective thinker. Mankind has pondered, from the beginning of written history, one particular question: Why? We mere mortals demand an answer from the ubiquitous “stuff” of life, and frequently face frustration when the only response is silence. In stillness, the echoing of my own voice resonates a painful reality, that I am forced to create my own meaning and purpose.
In my isolation I dig, unearthing the grief buried deep inside. Sorrow opens her mouth and swallows me whole. The jaws of darkness crunch down devouring all; behold the exploited’s hell (for hell be my indefinite surroundings), my life, this horrid sadness that plagues my very being. Bombarded by a palpable sense of aloneness, nightfall embraces my shadowed soul. Fueled by the pangs of hunger, in wreckage I open my eyes. The endless nightmare of my reality…. I ask questions of a world, a God, that refuses to answer! A sense of nausea appears.
I try so hard, yet I barely have enough to eat and survive. I drive myself forward each day in poverty, in this mortal darkness, earning a pittance too small to even afford my daily bread. With my tears in the darkness falling like rain, the bourgeoisie with endless greed, continue to deliver Carthaginian desolation. What meaning can be derived from my Sisyphean struggle? I roll a boulder up a hill only to see it come crashing back down. My every effort seems futile at best.
I supposedly live in the land of opportunity in a time of indulgences… I am outcast, ostracized, battling for basic needs and medical care. Where is the purpose in this, my Tantalizing predicament? In the ambit of exploitation, I gaze into a deeper understanding of the human world. I suffer, and by embracing this suffering my hunger and thirst are relieved. As I begin to accept my existence I find a strange sort of peace. I live in a world with set boundaries, but am free to make choices within my given parameters. Oddly, I am a paradox… a prisoner in some ways but my volition consciousness and mind allow me to be free!
Without a reliable structure, each woman feels like a passenger on a small vessel, cast upon a sea of shadows, having no compass or sense of direction to guide her away from an approaching storm. Mankind seeks refuge from this helplessness/ hopelessness scenario, and often takes refuge in organized religion.
Rollo May once said: “Myth unites the antinomies of life: conscious and unconscious, historical and present, individual and social… where empirical language refers to objective facts, myth refers to the quintessence of life.” Each mortal goes through the ambivalent struggle to find oneself, for this is rudimentary. For some, organized religion can give an assigned sense of personal identity; religion undergirds moral values, and hence bonds social interests.
Often folks turn to an organized religion to aid them in forming a sense of community. Frequently religious beliefs act as cohesive agents where individuals engage in interpersonal relationships with people that think as they do and believe as they do. The latter in my findings, inevitably frees a believer from the burden of the isolated individual thrust into the world. Or as Jaspers once said: “A ship adrift at sea with no known destination”, predicament.
The fallacy of misplaced concreteness (Whitehead) can be a bitch. So the matter-of-fact, because-I-Said-So rationalizing, that religions like Christianity provide are not always practical. To an artistic (and even an autistic) mind, the forced structure of church can be overwhelming. The hypocrisy and irrational behavior of extremist individuals practicing can be annoying as well.
I do not blame you for separating yourself from organized religion. I think that a unique human entity can be deeply spiritual and have strong faith without attending a meeting or aligning oneself with a particular group. Religion may temporarily escape the cumbersome thrownness of being human, but it does so by formulating a we/they construct which has plagued mankind since the beginning of time. I strongly support you in being the master of your own life.
Be your own woman. Live! Doubt strengthens faith. Be encouraged to question the validity of currently held beliefs. Push the boundaries of the possible. Be encouraged to break down barriers and be your own unique and authentic individual. I see god in a sunset, in a painting, in a child’s eyes. It didn’t take a church to teach me that. I live a moral life because it is my choice. I have learned to suffer with dignity and to never give up. I believe in life, and in Love. Dum Spiro spero (while I breath, I love). Vitam impendere vero, my friend. With Peace…
Sherry
Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditiones habes!
Social Skills Instructor,
I want to apologize that social skills training was not more productive. I'm sorry that I failed to achieve success in our endeavor. I appreciate you and your time. I am grateful for all that you have done for me. Befriending me at a time of need meant a lot. There will always be a place in my heart for you.
I feel lost and confused. For the majority of my life, I have been blessed to know who I was and what I needed to do. Throughout my years a loving path would appear seemingly out of no where. I would see a wrong or injustice and I would intuitively know where my destiny lay. The life of sacrifice and battling wrongs just made sense to me. I found myself in struggle , and found peace shielding/guiding others out of the pits of despair. I never feared darkness, I challenged it.
Today, I feel like I can't restore me. The neurologist has informed me that I will need a gastric pacemaker installed if I am to survive. My doctor has referred me to Mount Carmel. My neurological doctor is stating that a heart pacemaker may be in my near future as well.
I feel frustrated. I don’t know that I want machines to operate my vital organs. I am 33 and my birthday is at the end of the month. I am conflicted as to my options and quality of life is a major concern. My parents are avoiding all discussion on this. I am alone in my decision. My heart feels sick and sad. I don’t want to fight anymore.
I feel tired. I'm not afraid to die, but I am not fond of prolonged suffering. This decision weighs heavily on my heart. I have been able to depend on my own inner strength (or more realistically gods strength that was entrusted in me, for all grace and credit belong to something much greater than my small self), but I feel weak now. I followed an inner light for years but tonight it seems to be burning out. Is it normal to feel like this, Friend?
I guess that is an unfair question to posit to a muse, with a song in his heart. Your merits have been appreciated and your council has been received with gratitude.
I will need a month or so to try to re-center myself and settle this entire pacemaker predicament.
I guess since I flunked out of social skills, the latter has nothing to do with you. I just needed to write to someone. I'm sorry that you got upset with me. I'm more sorry that I'm not socially intelligent enough to understand why. I am often clueless when it comes to interpersonal interactions and their intricacies.
I don’t understand why you seemed upset and asked if I was somehow Jewish . Of course I am not! I have never had a desire to align myself with such a restricting organization. I am my own entity, I answer only to my maker. I am eccentric and unique. I follow my heart and Love.
I will return to my meditations now and soul searching. Hopefully I can restore my sense of self and heal my mind. So that I can make more rational decisions regarding my physical health.
May peace be with you.
Sherry
Friend,
I am flattered by your compliments. I'm not certain about what you mean by my problem being: "How I see myself". I know myself, because this is a necessity to do what I must. Confusing. Knowing myself has not helped me understand others.
I seem to be an alien here on my native earth. Others think and interact on quite an alternative plain than myself. Its why I sought an intermediary point, you, to help bridge the gap. I can not effectively communicate with others, or even my own parents, I am alone. I had hopes that an extremely socially intelligent individual might have insight to help me adapt.
As for synagogue, I must reiterate I was only a visitor a few times. I was in awe of the amazing architecture and beauty of the sun coming through the colored glass. I loved the food and the library. I was enchanted by hearing a man chant that could be heard throughout the hallways. I didn't understand the context of the meetings. The people near me had to tell me when to stand up and when to sit down. The teachings were in some strange language. I just liked being included and liked the building and food.
I learn from literature/ books. I have a strange memory for what I read and encounter. I have a hard time connecting what I have seen in theory with what is actually practiced. I saw no connection in the people at synagogues behavior with what is taught in Torah. Sadly, I am an extreme disappointment in this area. (I often failed to likewise see a connection with practicing Christians, Muslims , Buddhists.... I find some folks that act as they claim they believe... but the majority of practicing people seemed kind of cruel and superficial at their core. But that was just my outsiders impression.)
I only know what I believe. I have spent a lifetime seeking others with a different kind of faith. I have sought others who had more in common with me on any regard. It saddens me when the best commonality I can come up with between two individuals are things like: similar location, both like chocolate, or the color blue. My heart has longed for a deeper connection with others.
My parents are very different from me. That's why I've needed to live on my own. Communicating with individuals who don’t appear to care is difficult. My folks avoid everything. This saddens my heart.
I appreciate your response. The Student needs to flourish. She is a beautiful individual at the beginning of a hopefully rewarding career. I appreciate the kindness you have shown me, Friend. Writing, sadly, is the medium I function best at. I was happy meeting and talking with you, I find happiness in your thinking patterns and expressions. I admire the wisdom that has crept its way into the entity known as: Friend.
Gotta go. Peace.
Sherry
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