Tears of An Autistic 1

Broken Heart

Broken hearted, I climb into the cab.
Realizing our love is a hopeless endeavor.
Out of town I go.
Keeping my distance from the reality of lack.
Everything reminds me of you being gone.
Never did I imagine my sadness would win.

Hope dissipates into incoherence, life is tough.
Endings invite a possibility for a new future.
Arbitrary panorama.
Rifts of a tune play on the radio of the car.
Taking me away from the memory of you, fresh start.





Crossroads

Lessing’s Ditch…

The automaton doctor tells me that
he’s very sorry…. There’s nothing more
that he can do.

---floccinaucinihilipilification ---!?!

Angry.
How can I be dying in only
my 3^rd decade of life?

The troglodyte reaches out his hand,
and asks me if I have someone to speak to…
like a priest or rabbi?

I stare blankly at the wall,
Not knowing what to say.
A Pascal-ian Wager doesn’t necessitate
regular church attendance.

I am alone and scared.

The pain is unwelewable
Not knowing what to do;
I walk away _____leaving
the office with nowhere to turn.

Footprints in the snow,
Marking the path where I have been.
The possibility of being no longer?
The winter of my life.

I approach a
Quatrefoils
But can not turn back.

So cold is reality…so cold.
Be still my heart.
And so the final bell tolls…

Upon my door
a wreath will be hung;
My body laid to rest.
How does one process
such a predicament?

Could any logic detach the
deeply seeded emotions
connected to this, my situation?

I face my own mortality…
My soul weeps.
I wasn’t ready for this crossroad.

Mom says pray for a miracle.
I just cant seem to place my faith
so far away.

With palloduous stare,
A single tear falls from my eye.






Flip Flops on a Sandy Beach:

Life…
Spoken, breath
Without sound
Entertaining harmony and grace
Beauty once prevailed
Moments end
Reflections distorted
Images mirrored
Clarity removed
Unseen merging
Grave reality
Be not proud
Unbecoming…
Death.


Death…
Unbecoming
Proud not be
Reality grave
Merging unseen
Removed clarity
Mirrored images
Distorted reflections
End moments
Prevailed once beauty
Grace and harmony entertaining
Sound without
Breath, spoken…
Life.

　




My sun, My Moon, My Stars

With sorrows song, I slowly saw a hope slithering away.
Fated frontiers, following years of fears… fading fast.
Daunting dark matter, drearily damaging the memories of you.
Angry red dwarf, God, readily rocketing through my heart.
Particles piecing together the plethora of journeys we embarked.
Like a supernova I will flee, but first I lovingly launch a final solar flare.
Into spaces unknown, we have flown; Black hole of my despair.