Friend,
I guess what disturbed me was that we speak in generalities but live in specifics. How many Arabs would need to die to satiate the boys desire for violence? Would the death of my friend Tamen (incidentally a Saudi Arabian soldier, a practicing Muslim, and one of the kindest souls I've ever met) and the murdering of his family be enough? This is a tantalizing predicament, I do believe...
What would be achieved by brutally murdering human life? And who would be the next scapegoat for all the boys problems when the Arabs were dead? (Also the entire statement becomes a double edged razor... do the "Arabs" include the Israelites, because they too are genetically from the same ancestry???) Where does the line get drawn in the sand??? How much destruction of human life is necessary for a man to be happy?
In this Sisyphean struggle that we call life, so much is left to uncertainty and grayness. What is right and what is wrong? can an individual perspective ever be certain of the validity of belief? Misplaced concreteness and the fallacy of matter of fact reasoning can so easily occur. Life is so complex!
Suffering and sadness have been irreversibly connected to my being. I am bound by a sense of responsibility. Augenblick! I often find myself standing with my back at the base of a sycamore tree, facing and looking at a chestnut tree. Just wondering how seeds can grow into something so overwhelming and powerful!
A seed of an idea begins to bud. I honestly believe that a mans life is not mine to take, even if he has done me horrible harm. I am an oddity. I praise justice but am very careful to not take justice into my own hands. I remind myself constantly to be mindful that feelings cloud better judgment. Emotionally charged situations that are too close to me, will prompt me to use impulse rather than logic in my decision making process.
I ask myself constantly, who am I to destroy something as precious as an authentic human being? Am I so entitled that I could ever believe I had the right to condemn any man, much less judge one whose choices and deeds were unknown to me? Am I so naive to think that I don’t bear the burdens of my own faults and uncertainties? How can I judge another with my limited perspective and fallible sense of reality?
I guess I was just raised weird. My grandfather was a WWII hero that went back to Germany with the Americans, to see if any of our family had survived. My father hung out with an old writer/ Nazi propagandist, Mrs. Puccitarri, when I was little (she was scary). I've known two of the kindest, sweetest, most sensitive men in the world that were survivors of Jewish camps. I befriended a former Nazi soldier who ran a boys camp, Henry, who had been raised in fear. Hatred and suffering were very real to the old ones I grew up around. The reality of the experiences of my elders drastically molded my view of the world.
For Hitler, the death of 6 million individuals weren't enough to satiate his desire to blame others for his problems. Who cares about "his struggle" in comparison to the magnitude of suffering he caused? How much suffering will the boy have to cause , to be satisfied?
No amount of violence or vengeance will bring back a human life lost. I guess I'm not expressing myself very well tonight, but... I just feel sick and sad about the harsh judgments and anger a child can display. If he was a descendant of the Ashkenazi (nazi =people; kennen =to know; ash =supreme or single leader?), then did he learn nothing from the experiences of his family? Has the past been forgotten so quickly?
Hatred knows no bounds. It destroys generation after generation. Hatred destroys the individual. I feel disgusted that we humans never learn. When we forget history, we are condemned to repeat it. (I will here note that the sorrow of my now deceased friends and family is not my sorrow. my sadness is from my own personal suffering, I only empathize and understood the nature of what they endured.)
My heart longs for peace, my brain thinks its highly unlikely to occur during my lifetime. The latter leaves me uneasy.
So much lost life. So much wasted potential. If I don’t like someone, I deny them the privilege of access to me. With 7 billion humans on earth, I'm free to find a friend I do appreciate, to spend my time with. I find the destruction of an entity beyond my capacity.
I was a great fighter, and with that power came responsibility. I just can't fathom senseless death. I've lost too many loved ones in my lifetime and have experienced too much abuse to conceive such impulsive behavior. Survival is hard enough, killing just to kill is beyond me.
I don’t know if this rant at all makes sense, I just again, am uneasy about the entire concept of the story of the little boy and the bazooka.
Sherry
Friend,
I mostly come from an existentialist education. "Feel good" philosophy is a not quite!
Responsibility and choices were primary in my families teaching. The personal demands on me as a child were extreme. Little to none of my childhood had to do with fun. I have had a very hard life and know better than most the evil that lurks in the minds of some people. I have been subjected to evil for years.
My life philosophy was based on suicide as the ultimate example of human freedom. I honestly believe that when faced with inimical and seemingly insurmountable circumstances, we often feel as though we have no options. If I introduce suicide as an option when I believe there are no choices... then why am I to not assume there are more alternative solutions. You see, I am insane! I am of the opinion that problems need only to be reframed and that I require an alternative approach to dealing with them. I never expect my path to be easy or to lack pain/ suffering. I am survival based.
I believe criminals should be prosecuted, if not for the sake of others then for their own sake. However, I don’t believe that I have a right to seek vengeance for my own personal wrongs that I have endured. I shielded people for years. I was called "the nemesis". At my peak, I was incredibly dangerous. I sacrificed when necessary.
Unlike you, dear Friend, I bear the burden of causing brain damage to a man and seriously injuring several others. Although the permanent harm was done in a ring, I hurt people because I stopped caring. I wanted men that I perceived as "bad" to suffer. I have had to live with the guilt associated with destroying others.
I understand that males have aggression. And what I was looking at, wasn't actually the child! I was viewing myself and simultaneously learning more about you.
My entire family on my moms side, are soldiers. We are hunters, teachers, healers. I am a direct descendent on ancient Europeans who have been escaping efforts to erase us, since the last ice age. My family has always endured hardships with courage and patience.
On this, desire for violence, we will have to agree to disagree, Friend. I think the cycle of vengeance never ends and that it destroys everyone absolutely.
I like you Friend. But I don’t like your aggression. Please be respectful that I am a survivor. Also, I realize this is demanding, but...could you attempt to recognize that I am a 33 year old girl that is dying from a horrible genetic defect. I am feeling powerless and sad. Hopelessness is frequently occurring. Hearing about mans hate, doesn't make this woman very happy. I think boys should want to make girls happy; boys can keep immature desires for annihilation amongst themselves.
I will make desperate efforts to avoid topics of this nature, so we don’t collide. I'd love for our friendship to be based on common interests and be as positive as possible. I enjoy learning positive things from you and how to communicate in better ways.
I'm sorry if this offends you.
****Part of Letter Omitted*******
I've moved to what I consider hell, to be poverty stricken with no resources. People verbally attack me daily and call me names (not to mention locals stole from me, physically assaulted me twice and continue to deny me work and assistance). Almost nothing in this part of Ohio operates legitimate, most organizations set up here are just funding for addicts and thieves. And on top of everything else I'm an autistic that's dying of autonomic failure with no help and no hope to ease my suffering. I desperately need compassion, dude. I got more than enough negative in my life. I was born into negative. Please!
Its late. Night!
Sherry
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